I hated myself at the age of 15

My name is kryplong and around the age of 15 I started to hate myself.I hated the fact that I started having anxiety issues and hated having OCD.I know hate is a strong word but that’s what was going in my mind every day.

I felt like I didn’t belong in any group or that I deserved to be loved by anyone.I knew that my emotions were irrational but they still persisted and they never stopped.

My anxiety issues were really problematic for me.for that I never got to have a girlfriend as a teenager because of my anxieties.They persisted in every group I was or in when I’m with anyone.I was so anxious about everything I even couldn’t think straight when I was around people.

Because I was so anxious I started to hate school.I didn’t like it at all.I didn’t want to go to school but I knew I had to.I thought of being homeschooled thinking it was a better option but couldn’t access the resources to be able to do school at home.I started to be so quiet someone even mention that my confidence dropped a lot.

Also I didn’t have a lot of friends because of it.It seemed as if my anxiety, OCD and now depression weren’t gonna go away. I didn’t know what to do.I was completely lost and confused about the whole situation I was in.To fuel all of this I became a mockery in my class when I accidentally catch bad smell of a dead bird wich I had kept hidden in my shirt to scare my friends but it died and everyone laughed at me and my smell.

An event like that wouldn’t have normally bothered me before as much but because of my anxiety issues It affected me a lot.

I started doing activities like meditation to try to heal but that was to no avail.wikihow offerd a lot of things but it did not help.i even tried some online therapy stuff but I was told I needed to see a therapist in person but I didn’t know how to access one.I live in a slightly remote area where most things are far away from where I live.

Well that’s my story slightly told at tge age of 15. It’s longer trust me and it gets crazy worse after.Right now I’m saving it for another article.